وصَّلات وسَّلام على رسول الله⚜
السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته
The issue we are dealing today concerns this sister whose problem is that she dosent want anyone to know her true feelings(like when she is feeling sad or angry).She feels that if she shows her true feelings then the situation becomes worse,therefore she avoids communicating with her near and dear ones.Most of the time she is feeling sad and it shows on her face too.
First let’s talk about the feelings of sadness that the sister seems to have .
The heart benefits nothing through grief. The most beloved thing to shaytan is to make the worshipper sad in order to prevent him from continuing on his path. Being Sad is Discouraged in Islam. Sadness prevents one from action, instead of compelling one towards it. The believer should not seek out sadness, because sadness is a harmful condition that afflicts the soul. The Muslim must repel sadness and fight it in every way permissible in our religion. There is no real benefit to sadness . Shaykh Aaidh ibn Abdullah al-Qarni wrote a fantastic book titled, ‘Don’t Be Sad‘, where many problems that we encounter on a daily basis are addressed, and solutions presented from an Islamic perspective.
I would advise the sister to read this book and keep it in hand whenever she gets these feelings of sadness.
The best thing to do is always keep ourselves busy with dhikr and make lots of Dua to Allah (ﷻ) to rid ourselves from those thoughts and emotions that lead us to sadness.
– the Prophet (ﷺ)sought refuge from it in the following supplication: “O Allah, verily I seek refuge in You from worries and sadness, from disability and laziness, from cowardliness and being stingy, and from overwhelming debts and being overpowered by men.
اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنَ
الهَمِّ وَ الحَزَنِ، وَ العَجْزِ وَ الكَسَلِ وَ الجُبْنِ وَ البُخْلِ، وَ ضَلْعِ الدَّيْنِ وَ غَلَبَةِ الرِّجَالِ.
Now coming to the other issue with the sister,
One of the most common misconceptions people have is that avoiding situations and not expressing our true feelings, lead to resolution of problems. But it is not true in most of the cases. The more you bottle up your true feelings and try to hide behind a facade the more harmful it is for your own well being.
First and foremost what we need to Understand is that having these feelings is quite normal and there is nothing to be ashamed of.
Second thing we need to do is to express these feelings in the right manner, without going extreme (controlled reaction).
The first step is something very personal and a more internal process. We need to understand that Allah (ﷻ) has made all of us differently. For some people it is easy to show emotions and some people it is very difficult. But what is common to all of us is that having and experiencing these emotions. It is very normal and natural to feel sadness, anger, jealousy etc, but what differentiates us is how we express and deal with it. A better word would be how we manage it. A person who is better equipped to manage these emotions is said to have a good emotional intelligence or quotient.
It has more to do with our own mental strength.
Therefore understanding and acknowledging these feelings will help us express them better.
The second step is external and has to do with expression and communication. I feel it is better to discuss these feelings with your husband and get it out of your system so that both of you can move on and let bygones be bygones. Unless and until you openly share whatever you are going through with your husband how will he understand what’s going on with you. It will not only prove a kind of catharsis for you but also help strengthen the bond with your husband.
(Catharsis is the Greek word for cleansing and is used in psychology to explain the process of rapidly releasing negative emotions. Expressing or releasing these emotions might make you feel better.)
Another important thing to remember is that how you express these feelings. It should be in a manner in which it is beneficial for your own well being and you are also able to put your point across. Moderation is definitely needed here so that we don’t go to extremes and hurt the other person’s feelings and further jeopardize the relationship.
I hope and pray that this advice was beneficial to the sister and helps her overcome these feelings .
At the end of the day we should turn towards Allah (ﷻ) to achieve any kind of peace and strength .
Ya Allah(ﷻ) grant this sister a heart free of sadness and ease in all her affairs.
أمين يا رب العلمين
أللَّهُمَّ بَارِك لَهَ فِيْهَا
Solace Islamic Assistance