ولحَمْدُ الله رب العلمين
و الصلاة و السلام على محمد و على آله و اصحابه اجمعين وبعد
السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته
Today’s case is regarding a sister who is not able to rid herself of her negative thoughts, and she is constantly having waswasa’s about her husband’s ex-girlfriend, and she is very insecure about her relationship. Although she is a practicing muslimah, she finds it very difficult to overcome these waswasas and thinks she is not strong enough to beat shaitaan.
Dear sister, you understand in your knowledge that these are nothing but waswasas from shaitaan. I have already done a post on OCD, and what you are experiencing is also a form of OCD. The constant thoughts of your husband’s ex and consequent negative thoughts related to this is a means through which shaitaan is trying to break you from inside and making it appear to you that you are weak.
Allahﷻ has given us the power to beat shaitaan or else why would He give us the concept of free will? If we think we are weak, we will always remain weak, our thoughts and the language we use in communicating with ourselves plays a very important role in our self-concept, always use gentle words and language in dealing with yourself.
As always the important point to remember is that this is your test. This is how Allahﷻ has chosen to test you, and you are strong as it is, and this test will only make you stronger. How can we think that we can’t beat shaitaan when he is merely a feeble creation of Allahﷻ, just like us. He has no power over us, it is in us, if we are going to give him that power to control us.
As believers we are all faced with this trial, and if we give shaitaan that position of strength and power then where is the striving for the sake of Allahﷻ and how can we attain Jannah. And what you need to tell yourself is there is no power or might except with Allahﷻ. By giving shaitaan that authority over us, we would actually be committing shirk, استغفرالله! May Allahﷻ protect us from that. أمين.
The next thing I want to tell you is, the fixation over your husband itself. As much as you may love your husband, and as much as you may be possessive about him, the ultimate love is that of Allahﷻ, and we cannot love anyone more than we love Allahﷻ, our obedience to our husbands should also be be solely for the sake of Allahﷻ, and again we cannot give them the place that’s reserved for Allahﷻ alone. We love them, we take care of them, are obedient to them, and we please them, only so that Allahﷻ can be pleased with us. Period.
So, when you start seeing things from the perspective of pleasing Allahﷻ first then automatically, your fixation will drop and you will have more tawakal ilallah, and your insecurities will start fading because you will now be secure in the comfort that your affairs are being taken care of by your maker. What more can one ask for when his affairs are in the hands of الوكيل (Al Wakeel- the disposer of affairs).
You also mentioned that you keep bring up the issue of his ex again and again in arguments with him, and you also said that he is not in touch with her, but you have a doubt that he may still have feelings for her. Well, I want to tell you here, is that, what you are doing is reminding him of something over and over again, when he has moved on. Why would you want to give him a reason to compare and create something which doesn’t exist by giving him these reminders. A wife should be a source of peace for her husband,
‘Abdullah ibn ‘Amr رضى الله عنه said, that the Messenger of Allahﷺ said: “This world is temporary joys, and the best temporary joy of this world is a righteous wife.”
Muslim and Ibn Maajah.
Be that kind of wife to your husband. By giving these constant reminders to your husband you are actually putting yourself in the very situation that you fear. I advice you to stop bringing up these sensitive and damaging issues and put your trust on Allahﷻ and keep yourself engaged in useful activities.
To stop the waswasa’s, keep yourself in dhikr of Allahﷻ and every time you sense the thought creeping in, seek refuge in Allah, say;
أعوذ بالله من الشيطان الرجيم
and لا حَوْلَ وَلا قُوَّةَ إِلا بِالله
recite آية الكرسي, the four قل etc. These are the best and effective tools against fighting shaitaan, and the key here is to stop the negative thought right at its root, don’t dwell on these thoughts as they are like a leech and will start feeding on you if you let them creep in even if it’s just a crack.
It’s is not easy fighting the enemy, but with perseverance and sincere efforts combined with complete trust and reliance on Allahﷻ, it’s absolutely possible.
I ask Allahﷻ to make your struggles easy for you and to help you overcome your negative thinking and to grant you victory in your fight against shaitaan.
أمين يا رب العلمين
سُبحَانَ رَبِّكَ رَبِ العِزَّةِ عَمَّا يَصِفُون وَسَلَامٌ عَلى المُرسَلِين والحَمدُ الله رَبِ العلمين
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