Case 34: Husband having an affair with ex-girlfriend

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ولحَمْدُ الله رب العلمين

‎و الصلاة و السلام على محمد و على آله و اصحابه اجمعين وبعد

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

❓*Question* ❓

The sister who contacted us is a revert Muslimah, she lost her mother to illness and has no support from any other family member. She has been married for almost 8 years with no children. Her issue is that her husband is having an affair with his ex- girlfriend and his family is also supporting him in his haram actions. He has given her two options, one is talaaq or two, is to remain as his first wife. The relationship has gone sour between them due to various factors(not going into too many details), and she wanted help with her options.

If Allah‎ﷻ intends good for someone, then He afflicts him with trials.

Sahih Bukhari

‎الَّذِي خَلَقَ الْمَوْتَ وَالْحَيَاةَ لِيَبْلُوَكُمْ أَيُّكُمْ أَحْسَنُ عَمَلًا وَهُوَ الْعَزِيزُ الْغَفُورُ

It is He who created death and life to test you as to which of you are best in deed, and He is the Almighty, the Forgiving.

Surat Al-Mulk 67:2

I have already spoken to the sister regarding her issue, and therefore will be giving a gist of the advice and suggestions I gave her.

The very first thing that I clarified with the sister was that— in her situation it was important for her to know that ultimately it bottled down to what she wanted to do, as she knows her situation best.

She is a strong person, with the confidence to take charge of her life, and currently running a small business to support herself, since, her husband isn’t working and she eventually had to resort to providing for herself.

The first and foremost advice I gave her was to seek Allah‎ﷻ’s counsel through Istekhara and to make dua at the time of tahajjud and put her complete tawwakal on Allah‎ﷻ. And, from there Allah‎ﷻ will guide her course. If she decides to stay in this relationship then truly Allah‎ﷻ is with the patient as The Messenger of Allah‎ﷺ‎ said:

Wondrous is the affair of the believer for there is good for him in every matter and this is not the case with anyone except the believer. If he is happy, then he thanks Allah and thus there is good for him, and if he is harmed, then he shows patience and thus there is good for him.

Sahih Muslim

‎إن شاء الله there would definitely be good in it for her, which ever direction her life takes that would be Allah‎ﷻ’s will and in His plans for her better life and hereafter. And without doubt there would be blessings for her in it.

I also told her to work on any shortcomings in her Ibadah, for that would bring immense barakah in her life as well, for example; if she was missing her salah, making it up as soon as possible, trying to perform her salah ‘on- time’ as soon as possible. Not missing the Sunnah’s. Building a relationship with the Qur’an etc. These acts of Ibadah done sincerely would not only add that barakah but also give her clarity in thought and guidance for a decision as well as . ‎إن شاء الله

On the contrary, if she feels that there isn’t any future to her relationship she should seek the help of a local Imam or any knowledgeable and trustworthy person who can help her. I gathered that the husband and his family are too eager to end the relationship with her. In this case I advised her to go for talaaq as a last resort, as the husband promised her settlement only if she opted for divorce, I advised her to put in writing any talks of settlement or promises in the presence of a wali.

I would like to add that divorce is disliked by Allah‎ﷻ and should be the last resort, if nothing else works.

She had mentioned to me that there were a few suggestions of her remarriage, if talaaq happens, my advice to her was not to think about that as of now, as her relationship with her husband has not reached a conclusion yet. And it not wise to think of another relationship when the first one hasn’t ended. If it’s in Allah‎ﷻ will for this to end then, He will replace it with something better for her as well. It would be wise to finish the Iddah and then consider another marriage. And Allah knows best.

And finally I advice her to make lots and lots of dua for herself and her husband and his family for their guidance and forgiveness. And to engage in constant Istaghfar herself, and to remember that the Messenger of Allah ‎ﷺ‎said:

Whoever oppresses his brother in his honor or anything else should resolve the matter today before it cannot be resolved with gold and silver coins. If he has good deeds to his credit, they will be taken from him according to the measure of his oppression, but if he has no good deeds left, then he will bear the evil deeds of his companion.

Sahih Bukhari

I ask Allah‎ﷻ to grant her a solution to her issue as soon as possible and bless her abundantly for her patience and grant her what’s best for her deen, dunya and akhira.

أمين يا رب العلمين

‎سُبحَانَ رَبِّكَ رَبِ العِزَّةِ عَمَّا يَصِفُون وَسَلَامٌ عَلى المُرسَلِين والحَمدُ الله رَبِ العلمين

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