Case 36: Waswasa’s and Insecurity

﷽‎

ولحَمْدُ الله رب العلمين

‎و الصلاة و السلام على محمد و على آله و اصحابه اجمعين وبعد

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

❓Question❓

Today’s case is regarding a sister who is not able to rid herself of her negative thoughts, and she is constantly having waswasa’s about her husband’s ex-girlfriend, and she is very insecure about her relationship. Although she is a practicing muslimah, she finds it very difficult to overcome these waswasas and thinks she is not strong enough to beat shaitaan.

🅰️Answer📝

Dear sister, you understand in your knowledge that these are nothing but waswasas from shaitaan. I have already done a post on OCD, and what you are experiencing is also a form of OCD. The constant thoughts of your husband’s ex and consequent negative thoughts related to this is a means through which shaitaan is trying to break you from inside and making it appear to you that you are weak.

Allah‎ﷻ has given us the power to beat shaitaan or else why would He give us the concept of free will? If we think we are weak, we will always remain weak, our thoughts and the language we use in communicating with ourselves plays a very important role in our self-concept, always use gentle words and language in dealing with yourself.

As always the important point to remember is that this is your test. This is how Allah‎ﷻ has chosen to test you, and you are strong as it is, and this test will only make you stronger. How can we think that we can’t beat shaitaan when he is merely a feeble creation of Allah‎ﷻ, just like us. He has no power over us, it is in us, if we are going to give him that power to control us.

As believers we are all faced with this trial, and if we give shaitaan that position of strength and power then where is the striving for the sake of Allah‎ﷻ and how can we attain Jannah. And what you need to tell yourself is there is no power or might except with Allah‎ﷻ. By giving shaitaan that authority over us, we would actually be committing shirk, استغفرالله! May Allah‎ﷻ protect us from that. أمين.

The next thing I want to tell you is, the fixation over your husband itself. As much as you may love your husband, and as much as you may be possessive about him, the ultimate love is that of Allah‎ﷻ, and we cannot love anyone more than we love Allah‎ﷻ, our obedience to our husbands should also be be solely for the sake of Allah‎ﷻ, and again we cannot give them the place that’s reserved for Allah‎ﷻ alone. We love them, we take care of them, are obedient to them, and we please them, only so that Allah‎ﷻ can be pleased with us. Period.

So, when you start seeing things from the perspective of pleasing Allah‎ﷻ first then automatically, your fixation will drop and you will have more tawakal ilallah, and your insecurities will start fading because you will now be secure in the comfort that your affairs are being taken care of by your maker. What more can one ask for when his affairs are in the hands of الوكيل (Al Wakeel- the disposer of affairs).

You also mentioned that you keep bring up the issue of his ex again and again in arguments with him, and you also said that he is not in touch with her, but you have a doubt that he may still have feelings for her. Well, I want to tell you here, is that, what you are doing is reminding him of something over and over again, when he has moved on. Why would you want to give him a reason to compare and create something which doesn’t exist by giving him these reminders. A wife should be a source of peace for her husband,

‘Abdullah ibn ‘Amr رضى الله عنه said, that the Messenger of Allah‎ﷺ‎ said: “This world is temporary joys, and the best temporary joy of this world is a righteous wife.”

Muslim and Ibn Maajah.

Be that kind of wife to your husband. By giving these constant reminders to your husband you are actually putting yourself in the very situation that you fear. I advice you to stop bringing up these sensitive and damaging issues and put your trust on Allah‎ﷻ and keep yourself engaged in useful activities.

To stop the waswasa’s, keep yourself in dhikr of Allah‎ﷻ and every time you sense the thought creeping in, seek refuge in Allah, say;

‎ أعوذ بالله من الشيطان الرجيم

and لا حَوْلَ وَلا قُوَّةَ إِلا بِالله

recite آية الكرسي, the four قل etc. These are the best and effective tools against fighting shaitaan, and the key here is to stop the negative thought right at its root, don’t dwell on these thoughts as they are like a leech and will start feeding on you if you let them creep in even if it’s just a crack.

It’s is not easy fighting the enemy, but with perseverance and sincere efforts combined with complete trust and reliance on Allah‎ﷻ, it’s absolutely possible.

I ask Allah‎ﷻ to make your struggles easy for you and to help you overcome your negative thinking and to grant you victory in your fight against shaitaan.

أمين يا رب العلمين

‎سُبحَانَ رَبِّكَ رَبِ العِزَّةِ عَمَّا يَصِفُون وَسَلَامٌ عَلى المُرسَلِين والحَمدُ الله رَبِ العلمين

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Case 35: Feelings of sadness

بسم الله⚜⚜

الحمد الله⚜

وصَّلات وسَّلام على رسول الله⚜

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

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❓Question:❓

The issue we are dealing today concerns this sister whose problem is that she dosent want anyone to know her true feelings(like when she is feeling sad or angry).She feels that if she shows her true feelings then the situation becomes worse,therefore she avoids communicating with her near and dear ones.Most of the time she is feeling sad and it shows on her face too.

📜Answer📜

First let’s talk about the feelings of sadness that the sister seems to have .

The heart benefits nothing through grief. The most beloved thing to shaytan is to make the worshipper sad in order to prevent him from continuing on his path. Being Sad is Discouraged in Islam. Sadness prevents one from action, instead of compelling one towards it. The believer should not seek out sadness, because sadness is a harmful condition that afflicts the soul. The Muslim must repel sadness and fight it in every way permissible in our religion. There is no real benefit to sadness . Shaykh Aaidh ibn Abdullah al-Qarni wrote a fantastic book titled, ‘Don’t Be Sad‘, where many problems that we encounter on a daily basis are addressed, and solutions presented from an Islamic perspective.

I would advise the sister to read this book and keep it in hand whenever she gets these feelings of sadness.

The best thing to do is always keep ourselves busy with dhikr and make lots of Dua to Allah (‎ﷻ) to rid ourselves from those thoughts and emotions that lead us to sadness.

– the Prophet (‎ﷺ‎)sought refuge from it in the following supplication: “O Allah, verily I seek refuge in You from worries and sadness, from disability and laziness, from cowardliness and being stingy, and from overwhelming debts and being overpowered by men.

اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنَ

الهَمِّ وَ الحَزَنِ، وَ العَجْزِ وَ الكَسَلِ وَ الجُبْنِ وَ البُخْلِ، وَ ضَلْعِ الدَّيْنِ وَ غَلَبَةِ الرِّجَالِ.

Sahih Al-Bukhari

Now coming to the other issue with the sister,

One of the most common misconceptions people have is that avoiding situations and not expressing our true feelings, lead to resolution of problems. But it is not true in most of the cases. The more you bottle up your true feelings and try to hide behind a facade the more harmful it is for your own well being.

First and foremost what we need to Understand is  that having these feelings is quite normal and there is nothing to be ashamed of.

Second thing we need to do is to express these feelings in the right manner, without going extreme (controlled reaction).

The first step is something very personal and a more internal process. We need to understand that Allah (‎ﷻ) has made all of us differently. For some people it is easy to show emotions and some people it is very difficult. But what is common to all of us is that having and experiencing these emotions. It is very normal and natural to feel sadness, anger, jealousy etc, but what differentiates us is how we express  and deal with it. A better word would be how we manage it. A person who is better equipped to manage these emotions is said to have a good emotional intelligence or quotient.

It has more to do with our own mental strength.

Therefore understanding and acknowledging these feelings will help us express them better.

The second step is external and has to do with expression and communication. I feel it is better to discuss these feelings with your husband and get it out of your system so that both of you can move on and let bygones be bygones. Unless and until you openly share whatever you are going through with your husband how will he understand what’s going on with you. It will not only prove a kind of catharsis for you but also help strengthen the bond with your husband.

(Catharsis is the Greek word for cleansing and is used in psychology to explain the process of rapidly releasing negative emotions. Expressing or releasing these emotions might make you feel better.)

Another important thing to remember is that how you express these feelings. It should be in a manner in which it is beneficial for your own well being and you are also able to put your point across. Moderation is definitely needed here so that we don’t go to extremes and hurt the other person’s feelings and further jeopardize the relationship.

I hope and pray that this advice was beneficial to the sister and helps her overcome these feelings .

At the end of the day we should turn towards Allah (‎ﷻ) to achieve any kind of peace and strength .

Ya Allah(‎ﷻ) grant this sister a heart free of sadness and ease in all her affairs.

أمين يا رب العلمين

أللَّهُمَّ بَارِك لَهَ فِيْهَا

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Case 34: Husband having an affair with ex-girlfriend

‎﷽‎

ولحَمْدُ الله رب العلمين

‎و الصلاة و السلام على محمد و على آله و اصحابه اجمعين وبعد

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

❓*Question* ❓

The sister who contacted us is a revert Muslimah, she lost her mother to illness and has no support from any other family member. She has been married for almost 8 years with no children. Her issue is that her husband is having an affair with his ex- girlfriend and his family is also supporting him in his haram actions. He has given her two options, one is talaaq or two, is to remain as his first wife. The relationship has gone sour between them due to various factors(not going into too many details), and she wanted help with her options.

If Allah‎ﷻ intends good for someone, then He afflicts him with trials.

Sahih Bukhari

‎الَّذِي خَلَقَ الْمَوْتَ وَالْحَيَاةَ لِيَبْلُوَكُمْ أَيُّكُمْ أَحْسَنُ عَمَلًا وَهُوَ الْعَزِيزُ الْغَفُورُ

It is He who created death and life to test you as to which of you are best in deed, and He is the Almighty, the Forgiving.

Surat Al-Mulk 67:2

I have already spoken to the sister regarding her issue, and therefore will be giving a gist of the advice and suggestions I gave her.

The very first thing that I clarified with the sister was that— in her situation it was important for her to know that ultimately it bottled down to what she wanted to do, as she knows her situation best.

She is a strong person, with the confidence to take charge of her life, and currently running a small business to support herself, since, her husband isn’t working and she eventually had to resort to providing for herself.

The first and foremost advice I gave her was to seek Allah‎ﷻ’s counsel through Istekhara and to make dua at the time of tahajjud and put her complete tawwakal on Allah‎ﷻ. And, from there Allah‎ﷻ will guide her course. If she decides to stay in this relationship then truly Allah‎ﷻ is with the patient as The Messenger of Allah‎ﷺ‎ said:

Wondrous is the affair of the believer for there is good for him in every matter and this is not the case with anyone except the believer. If he is happy, then he thanks Allah and thus there is good for him, and if he is harmed, then he shows patience and thus there is good for him.

Sahih Muslim

‎إن شاء الله there would definitely be good in it for her, which ever direction her life takes that would be Allah‎ﷻ’s will and in His plans for her better life and hereafter. And without doubt there would be blessings for her in it.

I also told her to work on any shortcomings in her Ibadah, for that would bring immense barakah in her life as well, for example; if she was missing her salah, making it up as soon as possible, trying to perform her salah ‘on- time’ as soon as possible. Not missing the Sunnah’s. Building a relationship with the Qur’an etc. These acts of Ibadah done sincerely would not only add that barakah but also give her clarity in thought and guidance for a decision as well as . ‎إن شاء الله

On the contrary, if she feels that there isn’t any future to her relationship she should seek the help of a local Imam or any knowledgeable and trustworthy person who can help her. I gathered that the husband and his family are too eager to end the relationship with her. In this case I advised her to go for talaaq as a last resort, as the husband promised her settlement only if she opted for divorce, I advised her to put in writing any talks of settlement or promises in the presence of a wali.

I would like to add that divorce is disliked by Allah‎ﷻ and should be the last resort, if nothing else works.

She had mentioned to me that there were a few suggestions of her remarriage, if talaaq happens, my advice to her was not to think about that as of now, as her relationship with her husband has not reached a conclusion yet. And it not wise to think of another relationship when the first one hasn’t ended. If it’s in Allah‎ﷻ will for this to end then, He will replace it with something better for her as well. It would be wise to finish the Iddah and then consider another marriage. And Allah knows best.

And finally I advice her to make lots and lots of dua for herself and her husband and his family for their guidance and forgiveness. And to engage in constant Istaghfar herself, and to remember that the Messenger of Allah ‎ﷺ‎said:

Whoever oppresses his brother in his honor or anything else should resolve the matter today before it cannot be resolved with gold and silver coins. If he has good deeds to his credit, they will be taken from him according to the measure of his oppression, but if he has no good deeds left, then he will bear the evil deeds of his companion.

Sahih Bukhari

I ask Allah‎ﷻ to grant her a solution to her issue as soon as possible and bless her abundantly for her patience and grant her what’s best for her deen, dunya and akhira.

أمين يا رب العلمين

‎سُبحَانَ رَبِّكَ رَبِ العِزَّةِ عَمَّا يَصِفُون وَسَلَامٌ عَلى المُرسَلِين والحَمدُ الله رَبِ العلمين

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Solace Islamic Assistance

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Case 33: Sister suffering from OCD

‎﷽‎

ولحَمْدُ الله رب العلمين

‎و الصلاة و السلام على محمد و على آله و اصحابه اجمعين وبعد

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

❓*Question* ❓

Today’s question is regarding a sister who has constant doubts regarding her wudu and salah, and she takes anywhere around 25-30 minutes just to perform her wudu, and more so with her salah, because she has this compulsive thought that she might have made mistakes and might have not done it properly. This makes her mentally and physically weak and tired.

Answer.

According to Mayo Clinic, Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is characterized by unreasonable thoughts and fears (obsessions) that lead you to do repetitive behaviors (compulsions). It’s also possible to have only obsessions or only compulsions and still have OCD.

OCD in Islam can comprise of taking too much time to make wudu, fear that one might have missed something in their salah, or that their tajweed isn’t proper, feeling impure all the time, or even having thoughts that you can’t even mention in front of anyone, repeatedly so much so that it has become an obsession and compulsion that has disrupted their every waking moment. From an Islamic stand point these are usually considered as waswasaah or whisperings from shaitaan.

Some people are overcome by certain uncontrollable thoughts, which are at times accompanied by self-invented rituals. When these thoughts and rituals take more than 1 hour per day, then a person is said to be suffering from OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder).

The most common OCD obsessions and compulsions among Muslims are:

– Which Rak’ah of Salah am I performing?

– Doubt whether I performed Salah correctly or not.

– Fear of impurities when doing Wudu’ and while performing Salah.

– Doubts of passing wind, and nullification of Wudu’.

– Doubts regarding Wudu’: whether it was performed correctly or not.

– Blasphemous thoughts.

– Constant feeling that the clothes are unclean.

These obsessions lead to certain compulsions:

– Doing Sajda e Sahu in every Salah

– Re-performing Salah

– Performing Wudu’ several times

– Taking a lot of time in doing Wudu’

– Spending too much time in all purification/washing activities e.g. washing hands after meal

Defining features of these Obsessions are:

* Intrusive quality: The thought, image, or impulse repeatedly enters consciousness in an unintended manner; that is, it occurs against one’s will. An emotional feeling that is compulsive is associated with the thought. These are mostly unwanted thoughts leading to unwanted emotions.

* Unacceptability: The negative effect associated with these unwanted thoughts and emotions may vary from an annoyance to unpleasantness or distress to strong fear or anxiety.

* Subjective Resistance: There is a strong urge to resist, suppress, dismiss, or prevent the obsession from entering consciousness, either through avoidance, thought control approaches, or overly repetetive rituals.

* Uncontrollability: There is an internal sense of decreased control over the obsession.

We all know that we have a Shaitaan (Jinn, Qareen) attached to us, and it constantly whispers to us and instills deceiving thoughts in our minds, making us feel that they are our own thoughts. Sometimes people exaggerate these whispers, or waswasaas to such an extent that they start thinking them to be sacred. If these thoughts were sacred then why do you suffer from them?

There are two types of people who fall victim to these whispers or waswasaas to such an extent that it becomes an abnormality/disorder.

* For some people it becomes very difficult to repel these whispers or negative thoughts as useless, because they tend to remain confused on the source of such thoughts. They jumble up waswasaas with thoughts from one’s self (mind), and from one’s inner self (nafs).

* Others tend to be totally heedless of the severity of these waswasaas, and every thought that comes with a certain level of strength they tend to label it as their own. And there might be some who don’t really ‘believe’ in shaitaan’s whispers.

So, for one reason or the another, when one starts to dwell in these waswasaas, they may develop this disorder and those who overcome Shaitaan will not develop it. Our ardent enemy shaitaan is invisible so there is a specific way of fighting it.

– Firstly one needs to be aware of the tactics of the Shaitaan and his powers and limitations

– One needs to know the elements of waswasaas of Shaitaan

– One needs to be aware of their own powers and limitations.

Cognitive theory in the study of psychology suggests that as long as people interpret intrusive thoughts as ‘catastrophic’, and as long as they continue to believe that such thinking to be true, they will continue to be distressed and will practice avoidance and/or ritualistic behaviors .

Prophet Muhammadﷺ said: “Allahﷻ has forgiven the wasaawis (satanic whispers/intrusions) that arise in the hearts of the people of my nation until one acts upon them or talks about them”

[Sahih Bukhari and Muslim]

It is because when we ignore them, and don’t talk about them or do not act up on them, they do not harm us in any way, ‎إن شاء الله

This hadith is to prevent ourselves from being a victim of waswaas. But, in this sister’s case she has already dwelled into these whispers to an extent that she is obsessed with them, and the self-invented rituals (compulsions) are taking a notable time away from her daily life.

Waswasaa is something that happens with all of us, but some of us dwell in them so much, in heir frequency and the actions that they drive the person into makes them a ‘patient’. And there is a solution for every disease.

Prophet Muhammadﷺ said: “Allah‎ﷻ has not sent down any disease but He has also sent down its cure. Those who know it, know it, and those who do not know it, do not know it.”

[Narrated by Ahmad ; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Ghaayat al-Maraam]

Once one has come to this stage, they need to carefully measure their actions and follow some steps to get rid of them.

* Disregarding any waswasah about breaking wudu’

Repeating Wudu’ again and again due to doubts is the result of waswasah. It is an action driven by a negative thought. Wudu’ does not break on mere doubts and this rule is very clear from the hadith of the Prophetﷺ:

Abu Hurairah narrated that the Prophet Muhammadﷺ said, “If one of you finds a disturbance in his abdomen and is not certain if he has released any gas or not, he should not leave the mosque unless he hears its sound or smells an odour.”

[Sahih Muslim]

On one hand one should not be careless to the extent that even when they know that they don’t have wudu’ they assume the opposite, and on the other hand they should not be extremist and follow the doubts when they are quite sure. So, repeating the wudu’ on doubts (whether severe or slight) is in and of itself a disobedience to the order of Prophet Muhammadﷺ and not an act of piety like Shaitaan makes one feel. Imposing on your-self too-much strictness in a matter of religion which has been kept flexible by Prophet Muhammadﷺ means taking-away importance from some other matter. So, Prophet Muhammadﷺ closed the door of this innovation of repeating wudu’ on doubts and clarified that wudu’ is rendered as nullified only when there is certainty of that.

A desert Arab came to the messenger of Allahﷺ and asked him about wudu’. He demonstrated (washing each part of his body) thrice, and then said: That is (the method of) ablution. And he who does more than this has done wrong, transgressed the limit and has oppressed (himself).

[Sunan ibn Majah- classified as sahih by Al Albani]

* Wasting Water in Wudu’

When one starts following the doubts that Shaitaan creates in one’s mind, they get into a lot of other sins including wasting water by performing Wudu’ again and again, by taking bath time and again with an extended period under the shower owing to extreme care, and by washing one’s clothes on mere doubts of impurity etc.

It has been narrated on the authority of Abdullah bin ‘Umar, that the Prophetﷺ passed by Sa’ad he was performing wudu’. He said: What wastage is this? Sa’ad said: Is there wastage in wudu’ also? The Prophetﷺ said: Yes, even if you are at a flowing river.

[Masnad Ahmed and Sunan Ibn e Majah, The hadith has a weak chain as pointed out by al-Albani but it is used to emphasize an established fact which is mentioned many a time in the Qur’an itself.]

Allahﷻ says in the Qur’an:

“….And eat and drink and be not extravagant; surely He does not love the extravagant.”

[ Surah Al A’araf :31]

“…and do not act extravagantly; surely He does not love the extravagant.”

[Surah Al-An’aam:141]

* Doubts/Uncertainty/Forgetfulness in Salah

Mind wandering away in Salah is very common, and it even happened at the time of Sahaba, and Prophetﷺ told us of a Specific Shaitaan who does that and asked us to seek refuge from it and spit to ward off the Shaitaan. Heﷺ did not mention Sajda e Sahw in this case, so one should not make it a habit to do Sajda e Sahw at the end of every Salah considering that his mind did wander away to some extent.

The Messenger of Allahﷺ said, “A person may be distracted whilst praying so only one-half of it, or one-quarter, or one-tenth or less, is recorded for him”

[Masnad Ahmed bin Hanbal and Sunan Abu Dawud, authenticated by al-Albani]

One important thing for those suffering from waswasaas is to know: You are not suffering from any memory-loss rather it’s a reduced confidence in one’s memory. Shaitaan is attacking your subconscious memory as he can’t really change your conscious memory directly. So, you must remember that when you suffer from forgetfulness in Salah, that might be natural if it happens rarely, considering that it some times also happened in the life of Prophetﷺ as well, and he was the best to walk the earth. But, if that happens very often then you are person who is doubting a lot and is affected by waswaas; then this hadith (below) should help them realise that their main objective is to humiliate the shaitaan by not being bothered by those doubts and retaliating by your actions.

Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri, Allah’s Messengerﷺ said , “If any of you doubts during his prayer and he does not know how many [raka’aat] he has prayed, whether it is three or four, then he should discard and cast away his doubt. He is to continue upon what one is sure of [i.e. the lesser] then perform two prostrations before making tasleem. If he ends up [in reality] praying five [raka’aat], then his prayer will be an intercession for him; and if he ends up completely the [requisite] four [raka’aat] then it is targheeman for Shaitaan.”

[Sahih Al Muslim]

* Transgressing in Purification

Being over conscious about purity and cleanliness is also against Islam. Islam being a balanced religion does not guide us to any extremism. It is true that Islam declares “cleanliness” as half of “faith” but it does not allow anyone to get into cleanliness issues so much that other aspects of deen are forgotten.

`Abdullah ibn Mughffal narrated that the Prophet ﷺ said, “There will be people from my nation who will transgress in making supplications and in purifying themselves”

[Ahmad, Abu Dawud, and An-Nasa’I and it has been authenticated by al-Albani]

* Wasting Time

‘Abdullah Ibn Mas’ud reported that the Messenger of Allahﷺ said, “The feet of the son of Adam will not move away from his Lord on the Day of Resurrection till he is asked about five things about his life, how he spent it; about his youth, how he passed it; about his wealth, how he earned it; and on what he poured it; and what he did with that which he learnt.”

[Jami’ Tirmidhi]

Half an hour for every Salah (common for OCD patients) and few more times here and there makes it around 3 hours/day in the washroom. When you are asked on the Day of Judgment: “Where did you spend your age? 3 hours/day makes it 1100 hours/year approximately. Meaning a person living 60 years spends almost 8 years in the washroom. Are you ready to reply Allah that I used to spend 1/8th of my day in the washroom and hence I spent 8 or so years of my life in washroom?

* Precaution or Waswasah

What an OCD person labels as precaution is in reality a waswasah.

– Precaution is to follow the Sunnah in the best possible way and to avoid any negligence and exaggeration in following the Sunnah.

– Waswasah is that a person exaggerates beyond the practice of Allah’s Messengerﷺ and his companions, deeming it to be a part of religion or a necessary ‘precaution’ for himself. E.g. Cleaning parts of body more than thrice in wudu’, using excessive water in wudu’ or ghusl etc

Ibn al-Qayyim says, “There are thousands of things which the people afflicted with waswasaah take as a part of religion, cloaked in ‘precaution’, whereas, precaution is to be exercised in following the sunnah”

[Kitab ur Ruh, Ibn al-Qayyim]

Anyone suffering from such doubts and waswasaas should take these points into consideration and ‎إن شاء الله try to understand that in the pursuit of pleasing Allah‎ﷻ, they are in fact falling prey to extremism which is in and of itself a sin.

I ask Allah‎ﷻ to protect us from the Waswasaas of Shaitaan, and our own Nafs. And, I ask Him‎ﷻ to protect us from any form of transgressions against our souls and keep keep us steadfast upon the Sirat Al Mustaqeem and the middle path.

أمين يا رب العلمين

‏[Source: Islamandpsychology.blogspot.ae]

‎سُبحَانَ رَبِّكَ رَبِ العِزَّةِ عَمَّا يَصِفُون وَسَلَامٌ عَلى المُرسَلِين والحَمدُ الله رَبِ العلمين

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Case 32: Shawwal Fasts

بسم الله⚜⚜

الحمد الله⚜

وصَّلات وسَّلام على رسول الله⚜

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته⚜

🌷🌷

❓Question:❓

Dear sisters .‎الحمد لله‎ Ramadan seemed to have just breezed past us leaving us with the sweet smell of emaan. I hope and pray this stays with us even after this blessed month has passed us by. Since I will be unable to post on Thursday and a question has also come up about the Shawwal fasts I thought it better if I posted it on Monday itself. This sister has a series of question regarding them and they are as follows:

1. Can the missed Ramadan fasts be combined with the Shawwal fasts?

2. Should we start fasting on the second day of Shawwal itself? (that is the day after Eid al fitr)

3. And can we make up these fasts other than in the month of Shawwal.

📃📃Answer📃📃

Now since these are fiqh questions the answers to these questions have been referred to from authentic Islamic sites and it’s not my personal opinion.

Now about the first question.

1. Can the missed Ramadan fasts be combined with the Shawwal fasts?

It is not valid to combine the missed Ramadan fasts with the Shawwal fasts, because fasting the six days of Shawwaal can only be done after fasting Ramadan in full.

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen said in Fataawa al-Siyaam (438).

It is obligatory to make up missed fasts for the one who had an excuse, indeed that is part of this pillar of Islam. Based on this, hastening to do it and to discharge this duty takes priority over doing actions that are mustahabb.

With regard to fasting the six days of Shawwal, they are connected to Ramadan and can only done after making up missed Ramadan fasts. If anyone fasts them before making up missed Ramadan fasts they will not attain that reward, because the Prophet (‎ﷺ‎) said: “Whoever fasts Ramadan then follows it with six days of Shawwal, it will be as if he fasted for a lifetime.” It is well known that whoever still owes days from Ramadan is not regarded as having fasted Ramadan until they make up the days they missed. Therefore _fasting_ six days of Shawwal is dependent upon having completed the Ramadan fast, according to the correct view.

The conjunction then indicates that this must be done in this order. This indicates that the fast of Ramadan must be completed first (by observing the Ramadan fast and making up any missed fasts), then after that one may fast the six days of Shawwal, so as to attain the reward mentioned in the hadeeth.

The one who still owes missed Ramadan fasts is said to have fasted part of Ramadan; we cannot say that he has fasted Ramadan.

2. Should we start fasting on the second day of Shawwal itself? (that is the day after Eid al fitr)

No, it is not necessary that we start fasting on the day after Eid itself for us to get the reward. The entire month of Shawwal is there for us to complete our Shawwal fasts. But there is also a point of view which forbids us from fasting the day after Eid too ,which is wrong.

Eid al-Fitr lasts for just one day, which is the first day of Shawwal.

With regard to the commonly-held belief among people, that Eid al-Fitr lasts for three days, this is merely a custom that is known among the people, and has nothing to do with any shar’i rulings.

Al-Bukhaari (رحمالله) said:

Chapter: Fasting on the day of al-Fitr.

Then he narrated that Abu Sa’eed (رضى الله عنه) said: The Prophet (‎ﷺ‎) forbade fasting on the day of al-Fitr and al-Nahr.

Based on this, the day of al-Fitr is just one day, on which it is haraam to fast, As for the second and third days of Shawwal, it is not haraam to fast those days; it is permissible to fast it to make up a missed Ramadan fast or as a voluntary fast.

Therefore if it’s convenient to start fasting on the second day of Shawwal itself then ‎الحمد لله‎ but if due to some reason we are not able to do so, then those six Shawwal fasts can be done in the full month at your own convenience.

And now for the third question.

3. Can we make up these fasts other than in the month of Shawwal.

If a person has an excuse that kept him from fasting the six days of Shawwal in Shawwal because he had to make up missed fasts – such as a woman who was bleeding followed childbirth and spent all of Shawwal making up for Ramadan – then she may fast six days of Shawwal in Dhu’l-Qa’dah, because she was excused. Similarly for anyone who has an excuse it is prescribed to make up the six days of Shawwal in Dhu’l-Qa’dah, after making up the missed Ramadan fasts. But the one who lets the month of Shawwal go by without fasting these days and with no excuse, will not attain this reward.

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen was asked: What if a woman owes days from Ramadan – is it permissible for her to give precedence to fasting the six days of Shawwal over making up the days she owes, or should she give priority to the days she owes over fasting the six days of Shawwal?

He replied: If a woman still owes days from Ramadan, then she should not fast the six days of Shawwaal until after she has made up what she owes, because the Prophet (‎ﷺ‎) said: “Whoever fasts Ramadan then follows it with six days of Shawwal…” Whoever still has days to make up from Ramadan has not fasted Ramadan, so she will not attain the reward of fasting the six days of Shawwal until after she has finished making up the days she owes. If we assume that this making up missed fasts lasts throughout Shawwal, such as if a woman was bleeding following childbirth and did not fast at all in Ramadan, then she started to make up her missed fasts in Shawaal and did not finish that until Dhu’l-Qa’dah began, then she may fast the six days, and she will have the reward of one who fasted them in Shawwal, because she delayed it for a necessary reason, so she will have the reward.

I hope this has answered all the questions and cleared all the doubts about the Shawwal fasts ‎إن شاء الله.

May Allah (‎ﷻ) accept it from us and grant us the the reward for it.

May Allah(‎ﷻ) grant us the strength to increase our Ibadah and let our deeds be only for His sake and every act of Ibadah done with Ikhlas this Ramadan.

أمين يا رب العلمين

و آخر الدعوانا أن الحمد لله رب العالمين.

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Solace Islamic Assistance 

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Case 31: Active five year old

بسم الله⚜⚜

الحمد الله⚜

والصَّلات والسَّلام على رسول الله⚜

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

🔴Question:

The issue we are taking up today concerns a five year old who is very active. This sister has various concerns about the child. She has her hands full dealing with his anger, stubbornness and disobedience. What she wants is to be his friend, but is unable to do so because he doesn’t even listen to her.

🔵 Answer:

Allah (‎ﷻ) has created all of us differently. People are born with different personalities, looks etc. Even children from the same womb are different. Every person’s fingerprints are unique to them. So comparing a child or expecting too much from them will only lead to disappointments.

Now concerning this particular child, he seems to be having a short attention span. His ability to engage in one activity for a long period of time is less. He seems to get bored easily. Some children even have high energy levels and when this energy is not channelized or utilized properly, it leads to hyperactivity.

To do this we need to engage the child in different indoor or outdoor activities other than school.

✅By indoor games this could mean making use of all his senses. It could be building or creating something using clay, or painting or solving puzzles etc. Watching television has its pros and cons. So what we choose to show to our kids is very important. There are a number of good Islamic channels which will help our children in developing their emaan. This one sister let’s her child watch cartoons only on weekends, but the child finds excuses to go to his friend’s house. This might be because he is being allowed to watch tv there. So it’s better we let our children watch the content we want them to watch than letting them go elsewhere to watch it.

Some of the beneficial and good Islamic channels are :

🔸Muslim kids T.V

🔸Zaky

🔸Baba Ali

🔸Misri Bunch

✅Now about outdoor games there is nothing as stimulating and beneficial as playing in the fresh air and sweating it out;especially for children who have high energy levels. Lots of activities are available in the school campus itself. Like skating, badminton, karate classes,swimming etc. If it is not possible to enroll kids in these type of outdoor games then taking them for walks in nearby parks is the next best thing.

✅Having good companionship is also very important for growing children. Children either learn from their parents, their siblings or from their friends. So the kind of company they keep affects the overall development of the child . These years are highly crucial for the child.

🌼In an authentic Hadith, the Prophet Muhammad (‎ﷺ‎) said: 💡”A person is likely to follow the faith of his friend, so look whom you befriend.” 💡[reported by Abu Dawood & Tirmidhee]

🏳Another issue that the sister has with the child is that he does not listen to her and doesn’t respect her.

☝First we need to understand that a child too deserves respect. So unless we give respect and attention to the child, we will not receive the same from them. To discipline the child, it is very important to set a routine for their activities. They should have a set of rules and regulations to follow and also have a checklist in which you can write down all the things that need to be done by them for them to be rewarded for it. For example doing the homework, doing the daily salaah, helping with the chores at home etc. So once the child does this, he should be rewarded and not bribed with it. And one more thing to follow here is that we have to be true to our promises. Once we tell them they will be rewarded with an hour of tv or a small gift for doing somthing, then if we don’t fulfill our promise, next time we will lose our child’s trust and respect.

To make this a reality we need to do this consistently. Its ok to have an off day when you or the child is sick but if we don’t follow the pattern consistently, it will not become a habit and will result in an unhealthy pattern of behavior.

When the child is being stubborn and not listening to the mother it’s ok to once in a while give in. Prioritize the things they can and cannot get or give them an alternative. If giving in to their demands is not going to become a habit and could lead to positive reinforcement, then it’s better to give the child what he desires. But it’s important that we draw a line when this stubbornness leads to negative behavior. Instant gratification of the need can be dangerous too. So it’s our duties as mothers to take the call in the best interest of our children and make the correct decision.

But whatever the situation, controlling our anger and being in control of the situation is very important. We should realize the anger exhibited by the child is only a sign or symptom of some underlying problem. So what we need to do is find the reason for this behavior. Using a calm and reasonable tone will help in getting to the bottom of the problem.

The best example for this is most definitely our Prophet Mohammed (‎ﷺ‎)

🌼It is narrated by Anas رضى الله عنه when mentioning his childhood, “I served the Prophet (‎ﷺ‎) for ten years, and he never said to me, “Uff” (a minor harsh word denoting impatience) and never blamed me by saying, “Why did you do so or why didn’t you do so?” (Sahih Al-Bukhari).

🌻We need to implement good values in our children by using a strong Islamic foundation. This can be done by first and foremost being good role models to them. We can tell and advice our children but what they will follow and do is what we show them in our day to day activities. Keep telling them stories of our Prophet(‎ﷺ‎) and his Seerah. Let the incidents of our Sahaba be a guiding light for them. Let the activities they engage in be somhow connected to Islamic values and teachings. For example if the child is interested in painting, get him a cutout of a masjid and ask him to color it, or if you are taking them to the zoo or nature walks, explain the majesty of Allah (‎ﷻ) who created even the most insignificant of creatures with their own purpose in life. Even watching television can be used constructively. There are lots of Islamic channels or sites on You tube which can provide a wealth of imformation and at the same time be entertaning. What we need to do is filter these sites and channels for our kids and monitor the content that they can watch .

Allah (‎ﷻ) has created us to worship him.

✅Therefore everything we do should be to please him. And when an act is done to please our Rabb then it becomes an ibaadah. So if we are putting our utmost effort in achieving our ultimate goal which is Jannah, then most definitely these acts will help us get closer to Allah (‎ﷻ) .

It is mentioned in the Quran 51:56

🌟”And I did not create the jinn and mankind except to worship Me.”🌟

So if we take the time and the effort to guide our children on the path to righteousness and the path towards Allah (‎ﷻ) and doing so with the sole intention of pleasing Him, then most definitely Allah (‎ﷻ) will make it easy for us and place barakah in our efforts.

🌼It is narrated on the authority of Umar ibn al-Khattab رضى الله عنه who said: I heard the Messenger (‎ﷺ‎)say:

💡“All actions are judged by motives, and each person will be rewarded according to their intention…”💡 (Saheeh Al-Bukhari, Saheeh Muslim)

🌟“Whoever brings a good deed shall have ten times the like thereof”🌟 (Surah al-Anaam:160)

Therefore I would like to end this with a Dua for our children who have to deal with much more temptations and distractions than us.

🌷Ya Allah bless our children. And enable them to obey You and make them kind towards us.

🌷Ya Allah you were the Teacher of Musa and Adam, so teach our kids too. Bestow them with knowledge.

🌷You gave beneficial knowledge to Suleiman so grant our kids beneficial knowledge too.

🌷You were the Giver of Hikmah and authentic, decisive speech to Luqman. So give them hikmah and authentic, decisive speech too.

🌷Teach them of what they are ignorant and remind them what they forget.

🌷Open on them (the doors of) barakah from the skies and from beneath.

Indeed You are the Listener andthe one who replies and accepts Dua’s.

أمين يا رب العلمين

و آخر الدعوانا أن الحمد لله رب العالمين.

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Solace Islamic Assistance

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Case 30: Regarding Mensturation

‎﷽‎

والحَمْدُ الله رب العلمين

‎و الصلاة و السلام على محمد و على آله و اصحابه اجمعين وبعد

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

🔴Question:

🔼Today’s question is a combination of inter-related questions, asked by three different sisters. So, the questions we are dealing with today is regarding menstruation; irregular period, ruling regarding reading and touching the Quran during menstruation and how to perform ghusl for ‘haidh’ and ‘janaba’; these are fiqh related, and since I am not qualified to answer fiqh related questions, I would only touch upon these topics to the best of my understanding.

🔵 Answer:

🔹We are in the month of Ramadan, and a lot of sisters are writing to me and are worried that they won’t be able to make the best of this blessed month. Some are concerned about missing out on the last 10 nights, and some are not feeling connected, and some feel that they are lacking the quality in their ibadah.

To start with, menstruation is a pretty normal process of a woman’s life. There is no need to be sad or inconvenienced because of restrictions or difficulties. Allah‎ﷻ has destined it for us as a trial of life, and just as any other trial, patience will bring about great rewards ‎إن شاء الله.

🌙As He‎ﷻ says in the Quran:🌟 “[He] who created death and life to test you [as to] which of you is best in deed – and He is the Exalted in Might, the Forgiving” 🌟[Surah Mulk:2]

🔘To accept the qadr of Allah is a part of our imaan; and menstruation is a part of the divine destiny, and Allah does not want to put us in difficulty. Even in this, there is Allah‎ﷻ’s infinite wisdom and there is goodness for us, that we do not understand or comprehend. So, ‎with this acceptance let us move on to the answers. ‎إن شاء الله

📌Duration of the Period:

According to Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen, There is no set number of days for the minimum or maximum length of the period, when the menstrual bleeding ends.

Because Allah‎ﷻ says:

🌟“They ask you concerning menstruation. Say: that is an Adha (a harmful thing for a husband to have a sexual intercourse with his wife while she is having her menses), therefore, keep away from women during menses and go not unto them till they are purified (from menses and have taken a bath)”🌟

[al-Baqarah 2:222]

✅Here Allah‎ﷻ mentions that the time a man withhold’s from his wife is until she becomes pure. So, how do we know that the period has ended?

🔘Some women used to send pads of cotton with traces yellowish discharge to ‘Aishرضى الله عنها for verdict on whether their menses ended or not, and she would say,🌼 “Do not be hasty. They have not eluded until you see the white discharge” [Sahih Bukhari]

☞There are usually two signs for the indication of the end of the period.

✔Dries out completely, if wiping the private parts and nothing comes out at all, this is the most common sign.

[ Use a cotton ball / a Q-tip to wipe in the inners walls of the vagina to check for any traces of blood]

✔White discharge comes out. In classical works, Ulema describe it like gypsum/ tiny flakes with the discharge.

❗If you are sure with the above signs that you are finished with your period and then after a day or two see a subsequent discharge then it is not a part of menstruation.

🌼Umm Athiya said, “ We did not consider brown or yellow discharge after purification as anything. [ Abu Dawood]

📌Istihaadah- Bleeding between Menstruation:

🍁Bleeding outside of its normal time frame is no longer considered menses, a woman is considered ritually pure.

🍁She is required to fulfil her fardh and pray in spite of blood flow.

🌼Aisha رضى الله عنها, related, Fahimah bint Abi Hubaysh asked Allah’s Messenger‎ﷺ‎, “O Messenger of Allah‎ﷺ‎, I do not become clean from menses, should I abstain from formal prayers?” He replied, 💡“no, (the bleeding) is from a blood vessel and not menses. So, when the real menses begins stop praying and the period ends, was the blood from your body and resume praying the formal prayers.”💡 [Sahih Bukhari]

📌Prolonged Bleeding:

☞If you are able to judge the beginning and ending of your period according to the characteristic of the blood.

☞When the blood of menses comes, it is dark and recognisable. If it is that, stop the formal prayers. If it other than that, make wudu and pray. [Abu Dawood]

☞When it is difficult to determine the characteristic of the blood, women were instructed to estimate the period of menses according to their normal pattern.

☞If a woman does not have an established pattern for menses, she assumes that it’s six or seven days.

📌Touching and Reciting the Quran:

📒Majority Ulema are of the opinion that a woman is not allowed to hold the ’Mushaf’ (A Mushaf is a Quran which is only in Arabic, without any English translation), and recite the Quran.

📒If she is a student or teacher of Quran, it is necessary for her to hold it, she may do so while wearing gloves and she may flip the pages using a pen.

📒It is, however, permissible for her to listen to the Quran, reading Tafseer, making Adhkar.

📒 Digital Quran, on your phones and iPads, are not like a Mushaf. However, even whilst reading from the Quran on your phone, you must make sure that the English translation is present and that you are not touching the Arabic on the screen.

📌Ghusl from ‘Haidh’ and ‘Janabah’:

After menstruation has ended women are obliged to take an Islamic bath (Ghusl), in order to re-enter the spiritual state of purity required for formal prayer.

⭐Using perfumes in water is generally recommended.

🌼Aisha رضى الله عنها reported: Asma went to Prophet‎ﷺ‎ and asked, “O Messenger of Allah‎ﷺ‎! How should we take a bath so we can be purified from menses?” He replied, 💡“She should prepare water mixed with tote tree leaves, make wudu, and wash her head, rubbing the water into the roots of her hair, pour water over her whole body, then take a (musk- scented) piece of cloth (or cotton) and clean it three times.” She asked, “O Messenger of Allah‎ﷺ‎! How should she clean it?” Aisha رضى الله عنها said, “I understood what the Prophet‎ﷺ‎ meant and said to her, ‘wipe away the traces of blood.” 💡[Bukhari]

✅If a woman has long and thick hair she does not have to undo her braid in order for her to perform ghusl; rather, she is allowed to leave her braid as long as the water reaches her hair and roots.

☞If a menstruating woman becomes junub(sexually defile), or she is junub and her period begins, it is prescribed for her to do ghusl to cleanse herself from janabah. The point here is that she will then be able to recite Qur’an without touching the Mushaf, because the one who is junub is not allowed to touch or recite the Qur’an, unlike one who is menstruating.

☞Again the way in which this ghusl is done, as in all other cases prescribed by shari’a, is to start by washing the parts of the body that are washed in wudu, then pour three handfuls of water over the head, then wash the right side then the left, then pour water over the whole of the body. Thus janabah is removed but menstruation remains.

And Allah knows best.

🌷May Allah‎ﷻ grant us the best of this Ramadan, even when we are not able to do the fara’id, and may He enable us to get closer to Him through the other many means He has provided for us.

أمين يا رب العلمين

‎سُبحَانَ رَبِّكَ رَبِ العِزَّةِ عَمَّا يَصِفُون وَسَلَامٌ عَلى المُرسَلِين والحَمدُ الله رَبِ العلمين

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Solace Islamic Assistance

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