والصَّلات والسَّلام على رسول الله⚜
السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته
The issue we are taking up today concerns a five year old who is very active. This sister has various concerns about the child. She has her hands full dealing with his anger, stubbornness and disobedience. What she wants is to be his friend, but is unable to do so because he doesn’t even listen to her.
Allah (ﷻ) has created all of us differently. People are born with different personalities, looks etc. Even children from the same womb are different. Every person’s fingerprints are unique to them. So comparing a child or expecting too much from them will only lead to disappointments.
Now concerning this particular child, he seems to be having a short attention span. His ability to engage in one activity for a long period of time is less. He seems to get bored easily. Some children even have high energy levels and when this energy is not channelized or utilized properly, it leads to hyperactivity.
To do this we need to engage the child in different indoor or outdoor activities other than school.
✅By indoor games this could mean making use of all his senses. It could be building or creating something using clay, or painting or solving puzzles etc. Watching television has its pros and cons. So what we choose to show to our kids is very important. There are a number of good Islamic channels which will help our children in developing their emaan. This one sister let’s her child watch cartoons only on weekends, but the child finds excuses to go to his friend’s house. This might be because he is being allowed to watch tv there. So it’s better we let our children watch the content we want them to watch than letting them go elsewhere to watch it.
Some of the beneficial and good Islamic channels are :
🔸Muslim kids T.V
✅Now about outdoor games there is nothing as stimulating and beneficial as playing in the fresh air and sweating it out;especially for children who have high energy levels. Lots of activities are available in the school campus itself. Like skating, badminton, karate classes,swimming etc. If it is not possible to enroll kids in these type of outdoor games then taking them for walks in nearby parks is the next best thing.
✅Having good companionship is also very important for growing children. Children either learn from their parents, their siblings or from their friends. So the kind of company they keep affects the overall development of the child . These years are highly crucial for the child.
🌼In an authentic Hadith, the Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) said: 💡”A person is likely to follow the faith of his friend, so look whom you befriend.” 💡[reported by Abu Dawood & Tirmidhee]
🏳Another issue that the sister has with the child is that he does not listen to her and doesn’t respect her.
☝First we need to understand that a child too deserves respect. So unless we give respect and attention to the child, we will not receive the same from them. To discipline the child, it is very important to set a routine for their activities. They should have a set of rules and regulations to follow and also have a checklist in which you can write down all the things that need to be done by them for them to be rewarded for it. For example doing the homework, doing the daily salaah, helping with the chores at home etc. So once the child does this, he should be rewarded and not bribed with it. And one more thing to follow here is that we have to be true to our promises. Once we tell them they will be rewarded with an hour of tv or a small gift for doing somthing, then if we don’t fulfill our promise, next time we will lose our child’s trust and respect.
To make this a reality we need to do this consistently. Its ok to have an off day when you or the child is sick but if we don’t follow the pattern consistently, it will not become a habit and will result in an unhealthy pattern of behavior.
When the child is being stubborn and not listening to the mother it’s ok to once in a while give in. Prioritize the things they can and cannot get or give them an alternative. If giving in to their demands is not going to become a habit and could lead to positive reinforcement, then it’s better to give the child what he desires. But it’s important that we draw a line when this stubbornness leads to negative behavior. Instant gratification of the need can be dangerous too. So it’s our duties as mothers to take the call in the best interest of our children and make the correct decision.
But whatever the situation, controlling our anger and being in control of the situation is very important. We should realize the anger exhibited by the child is only a sign or symptom of some underlying problem. So what we need to do is find the reason for this behavior. Using a calm and reasonable tone will help in getting to the bottom of the problem.
The best example for this is most definitely our Prophet Mohammed (ﷺ)
🌼It is narrated by Anas رضى الله عنه when mentioning his childhood, “I served the Prophet (ﷺ) for ten years, and he never said to me, “Uff” (a minor harsh word denoting impatience) and never blamed me by saying, “Why did you do so or why didn’t you do so?” (Sahih Al-Bukhari).
🌻We need to implement good values in our children by using a strong Islamic foundation. This can be done by first and foremost being good role models to them. We can tell and advice our children but what they will follow and do is what we show them in our day to day activities. Keep telling them stories of our Prophet(ﷺ) and his Seerah. Let the incidents of our Sahaba be a guiding light for them. Let the activities they engage in be somhow connected to Islamic values and teachings. For example if the child is interested in painting, get him a cutout of a masjid and ask him to color it, or if you are taking them to the zoo or nature walks, explain the majesty of Allah (ﷻ) who created even the most insignificant of creatures with their own purpose in life. Even watching television can be used constructively. There are lots of Islamic channels or sites on You tube which can provide a wealth of imformation and at the same time be entertaning. What we need to do is filter these sites and channels for our kids and monitor the content that they can watch .
Allah (ﷻ) has created us to worship him.
✅Therefore everything we do should be to please him. And when an act is done to please our Rabb then it becomes an ibaadah. So if we are putting our utmost effort in achieving our ultimate goal which is Jannah, then most definitely these acts will help us get closer to Allah (ﷻ) .
It is mentioned in the Quran 51:56
🌟”And I did not create the jinn and mankind except to worship Me.”🌟
So if we take the time and the effort to guide our children on the path to righteousness and the path towards Allah (ﷻ) and doing so with the sole intention of pleasing Him, then most definitely Allah (ﷻ) will make it easy for us and place barakah in our efforts.
🌼It is narrated on the authority of Umar ibn al-Khattab رضى الله عنه who said: I heard the Messenger (ﷺ)say:
💡“All actions are judged by motives, and each person will be rewarded according to their intention…”💡 (Saheeh Al-Bukhari, Saheeh Muslim)
🌟“Whoever brings a good deed shall have ten times the like thereof”🌟 (Surah al-Anaam:160)
Therefore I would like to end this with a Dua for our children who have to deal with much more temptations and distractions than us.
🌷Ya Allah bless our children. And enable them to obey You and make them kind towards us.
🌷Ya Allah you were the Teacher of Musa and Adam, so teach our kids too. Bestow them with knowledge.
🌷You gave beneficial knowledge to Suleiman so grant our kids beneficial knowledge too.
🌷You were the Giver of Hikmah and authentic, decisive speech to Luqman. So give them hikmah and authentic, decisive speech too.
🌷Teach them of what they are ignorant and remind them what they forget.
🌷Open on them (the doors of) barakah from the skies and from beneath.
Indeed You are the Listener andthe one who replies and accepts Dua’s.
أمين يا رب العلمين
و آخر الدعوانا أن الحمد لله رب العالمين.
Solace Islamic Assistance